Celeriac Omelette (serves 2)

Ingredients:

• One Celeriac
• Five beaten eggs
• Some cheese
• Some oil

Method:

1. Beware if you discover a Celeriac in your midst. It is his Will to enslave you by bringing forth your inner curry addict. You must exorcise the spicy one.
2. Wield a sharp knife. Only then can you strip the unusual vegetable of his barky armour.
3. He will try to entice you with the sweet perfume of celery. This is a deception. Dowse him with holy water (cold tap water will suffice) then tear him asunder with the whirling blades of a food processor.
4. Cast his remains unto the sizzling oil of a large non-stick frying pan. When his juices have boiled away and his flesh starts to turn golden brown, add the sacrificial ova.
5. Wait for the potion to stiffen, then add the solidified cow juice.
6. Fold in half and serve.